I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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