Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
