i already hear my dad disowning me
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
