As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
