Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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