Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize