found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
