I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
