Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
