I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
