If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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