I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Drunk is a universal language darling
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
