I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
