Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize