Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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