he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
