you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
