Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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