i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
