i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
