After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
