So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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