remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
