so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
