i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
