I'm drive I can fine osifer
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
