I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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