So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize