No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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