y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
