Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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