I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My penis needs a shock collar
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
