Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
