To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize