No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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