I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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