I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
