I think my vagina is haunted
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
