My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm passing your future prison.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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