so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
