I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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