3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
