i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
