I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize