dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
