My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
