I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
