I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
