i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
