Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
