Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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