i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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