just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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