They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
