either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
