man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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