East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
time to smoke my breakfast
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
