I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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