Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
