she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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