I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
she told me i tasted like america
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Randomize
