I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
