Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
