im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
