I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
