she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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