The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Randomize
