No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
