well I can't set my house on fire every night
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
