we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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