If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
