I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
That's when you crack a 10am beer
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
