Pregnant stripper...not hot.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i drank out of a bidet.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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