There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
