New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
