I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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