She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
