i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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