If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
