Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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